Totty On: Suicidal!

Yes I am aLIVE!!! Much to my distress!

After several botched attempts over several months, I failed to bag a ticket to MTVs EMAs. Can you belive I have 3 friends who work for MTV London and not one could or would wave their 'magical wand' and make it happen??!?

Entry to Paparazzi Press Pen on the red carpet? NO LUCK!
I tried to buy a ticket....NO LUCK
I broke the golden rule and mass emailed everyone in my address book begging for a tix and offering to be there biatch for the day ....still NO LUCK!
Isn't it supposed to be, once, twice, three times lucky?? Errrrrr....

This last week has been hard....yes I admit, I have been suicidal; darn I'm still coming to terms with missing the show and The BIG boxing fight (yes my-so-called MTV friends got VIP tix to that too)!!!

But the show must go on....

So I've spent the entire weekend teetotal, I've slapped some common sense back into myself and finally got a grip on reality again, plus I bought a new pair of Christian Louboutins...

...roll on this week; I'm ready for ya!

Totty x

NB: Loubies are Altadama 100 Calf Reubens -  Please ignore the tipex on the side of the walls, my 3year old cousin decided to try a spot of interior design.

Totty On: Galliano Watch Launch & Chinawhite!

It's been a manic start to the week.  First I jetted to Paris for less than 24hrs to attend John Galliano's Watch Line. The Parisian creme de la creme were out in force. Strangley it was a very low-key affair. There wasn't many Paps around and everyone seemed to opt for a demure, relaxed evening-trouser combo.  Not the normal glitz, theatrics and creativity.  Navy blues, black and greys were the colours of choice. Canapes were simple and typical french (well what did I expect) and drinks were kept to a modest chanmpagne, red or white wine....recession?

Who's who? Only people I could make out were Carine Roitfeld, Virginie Ledoyen, The super hot Thomas Sisley, Jalli Lespert, The money man Syndey Toledano and Federique Bel....slightly dull for a Galliano party - explanation? Milano fashion week!!

Honestly I wasn't that impressed by the watch collection, I just don't believe designers other than The Karl Largefeld for Chanel should make them.  Leave watch making to The Rolex, Audemars Piguet etc. They are the real craftsmen.
Rant over - I shifted my focus to Carine Roitfeld! She's firece...no I mean really fierce, bordeline scary! Determined to get a job a French Vogue; I spent the best part of 15mins engaging in convo about...well myself of course! Wouldn't you? Who else is going to sell you?

Midway through, she placed her hand on my waist (rather agressively I might add) and said she had to dash and would be in contact.....errrr how did she intend of doing that? I hadn't even handed her my card yet...and to add insult to injury she only managed to "dash" to the other side of the boutique.

I quickly made my exit!

Tuesday night saw the VVIP launch of the newly re-located Chinawhite.  By VVIP I mean the money people - yes there were no celebrities or X factors contestants - just Hedgies, Arab royalty, Oligarchs', Eurotrash heirs and socialites - and a good night it was.  Dom P was flowing all night, Sushi Canapes and Eric Morillo rocked the decks. It felt like home again - China I've missed you! Welcome back!

I'm not even going to bore you with last nights antics....besides turning up to the Durex Condom's 80th party to find out Callum Best and Michelle Heaton are hosting - shock horror!

Hannah and I headed over to Merah Club (billed to be a big celefest), only to have to wait an hour outside despite having a table!

Roll on tonight......

Totty On: Alexander Wang

Is this too much to wear to the Alexander Wang soiree tonight?

I think it looks fierce, but Bols (girlfriend & super cool stylist) says it's a bit OTT; especially since the reception starts at 6.30pm....hmmmm!

Your advice please....

Totty x

Totty On: AvantGarden Party

Gaawd bless Smirnoff  Vodka for hosting AvantGarden at The Hospital Club last night. For me it was an out of the ordinary club night; so-much-so that I almost backed out at the last minute.  As usual; after a glass of champagne and a good tongue-thrashing from Bols (my eccentric stylist); I strutted my way over to Covent Garden.

My outfit of choice? My skinny jet black J Brand jeans, Christopher Kane Gorilla Tee, my dominatrix Guiseppe Zanottis and back-combed Tina Turner-esque hair! Fierce!

To my suprise I was greeted by opera singers in stairwells, roaming ballet dancers and bathroom bound gymnasts - ooh la la.....and of course...lots of free Alcohol!

From what I could amass, AvantGarden is an indoor festival combining elements of a live arts event with a good old fashioned club night. As surreal as it may sound, the whole night worked magically. Have you ever seen a gymast gyrating to Jay Z? Nope I hadn't either until last night.  I'm still aghast at how much culutre there was throughtout the evening. I have the uptmost respect for Marawa the Amazing - she hula hooped herself to every song constantly throughtout the night; only taking quick breaks to top up her glass and powder her nose  - fabulous!
A DJ-set by DJ Bisoux Bisoux kept Bols and I shaking our little booties between different rooms and floors of the club.  I danced so hard, I ended up snapping the heel of my Guiseppe's  and tumbling into the arms of the ever-so-cute Jacob.  Thank you Jeezus! 

Determined to not let my ruined Guiseppe's close the curtain on my night; I quickly changed into my Havana's and headed straight back to the dancefloor...only to find Bols has muzzled in on my hot catch and seduced him with her tribly hat...sigh!

Well he wasn't that cute anyway....huff!

Totty xx

Totty On: Simon Cowell has invited me on a date...

....ARGGhhh....Watch this space...

Totty xx

Totty On: Simon Cowell's 50th...SEXY!!

Apologises for my non-communication, I've spent the last few days after LFW in hibernation - trying to shift the extra pounds I gained.  
 Gaaawd I need to cut back on the champagne sipping! My mother always said weight gain is a sign of the ageing process....at 25?!?


Oh what a night!! Simon Cowell does not do anything by halves [yes he did call and invited me personally - see previous post]! And Saturday night was no exception!


It was extravagant, crass and Celeb-filled...Arggh just the way I love it!

Many thanks, hugs and kisses to David Walliams for joining our table and getting the party really started...we were the naughty table according to Jordan aka Katie Price. Not sure if we'll be invited again next year, but what the heck we had crazy-champagne-fuelled-fun.

The highlight of the night? A well known TV presenter getting man-handled by a burly security guy for attempting to steal 2 bottles of Vintage Cristal from the kitchen area. Love it!

I'm sure you've seen all the press; so I'm not going to bore you - yawn!! - I'll simply let the pics do the talking....

Totty On: LFW opening weekend

LFW SS10 kicked off in true british style - glitz, glamour and free booze. ! I've bearly had a moment to breathe (or should that be sober up), but I just had to blog!!

Highlights so far? Naomi Campbell at Issa..totally unexpected!! I couldn't stop gauping!
She's my Idol. I'm-so-in-love-with-her ...and her EVER so hot Russian Oligarch (btw Mr. Doronin has a very naughty wandering eye, he couldn't stop smiling at us).

I've gotta be honest, I lost interest in the collection as soon as she hit the catwalk! However I will say, Issa has taken a different direction for next season's collection, gone are the wrap dresses and garish prints. Finally!! Don't get me wrong, I just feel like Diane Von Frustenberg does it better.

And then there was The Collars and Cuff ball at Annabels last night...incredible! I defied the NO mobile, NO camera policy to cheekily snap the delectable, never ageing Mr. Cowell.....such a charmer.

Between Sinitta's evil stares (don't be fooled by the picture) and Simon's constant topping up of my champagne glass and gentle back caresses; I managed to slip him my number on a scrumpled piece of paper. Yes not classy - I know, but I was totally wasted, abandoned by Miss Giraud and NOT in the mood for a potential catfight - although I soooo could have taken her.

Let's just hope he can read my writing and calls soon.....

Totty xx

Totty On: I need to loose weight...

 24 hour champagne binges + island hoping around the Adriatic sea + loads of carbs = a fat Totty!

...So I asked for some advice from a very scandalous size 4 (borderline Size 0) friend of mine...

'It's too much effort to starve; so I just eat raw fish with Cayenne pepper' 
 

Totty x

Totty On: MoneyPenny

...She's gone AWOL!!

If you see her, please tell her I'm still waiting for her to return and purchase me these GORGEOUS 
 Rodarte for Christian Louboutins....sniff sniff





















[this is the only image i could find of them - taken from Rodarte's catwalk show]

Totty On: J'adore Hermes Birkins.

Its totally worth the wait and the money!!

My Saudi Royal friend's latest buys - the illustrious Hermes Birkin Croc!

Totty On: LFW

Oooooh!! Less than four weeks to go to London Fashion week and I can't contain myself!!!

**News JUST IN**; Antonio Berardi, the hot British-Italian designer who launched in London, but then went off to Milan and Paris, has said he’s returning, and Stella McCartney has confirmed that she will show her Adidas sports range. They'll both be following the ever so lush Matthew Williamson and Jonathan Saunders, who are coming back from New York.

Also, in a series of big-brand moves certain to rub the Milanese up the wrong way; Burberry, Pringle of Scotland and Ballantyne will embrace their inner Britishness and show on the London runway....woop woop!

...and who said London town was falling down?!?



Totty x

Totty On: Mr Perfect...

...Is there any such thing as the perfect man?

Cliche I know, but I honestly believe I have met him.

He's 36, an Executive director at BP, lives in Holland Park and drives an Aston Martin. An to add more icing to the cake - he has never been married and DOESN'T have kids.

In the words of Beyonce; this could either be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare....

Three dates in and I'm completely besotted. He's extremely HOT, gorgeous kisser and has the bod of an athlete. Even the infamous Miss Giraud loves him. So why am I moaning?

Well after 2 bottles of Dom Perignon, late night supper at Nobu Berkley and some dancing at Raffles; I ended up back at his place. Oh dear! But contrary to what you may be thinking...NOTHING happened!

Sigh!! YES - NOTHING HAPPENED!!

He was the absolute gentleman all night, hugging, caressing and kissing me at various intervals - BUT that's as far as it went. Even when I purposely brushed my hand across his manhood (you can't be anymore obvious than that, can you?) - he simply hugged me tighter.

I'm a sexy, good looking chick, who was clearly intoxicated (I consumed two chocolate Bento boxes - soooo NOT me), so why didn't he make the move? It was the perfect opportunity!

What am I missing?

Advice please?

Totty x

Totty On: So many dream; but only few become....a Socialite

Whilst brunching at Daphnes last week; soaking up the sun rays and blissfully daydreaming; I couldn't but help over hear the conversation of the two ladies sat next to me.

"Darling, I totally envy your lifestyle; how does one become a Socialite?" quipped one of the ladies.

"Oh sweetie, its not a profession - you either have it or you don't!" remarked the other.

I couldn't have said it better myself!!

So many dream, so many talk the talk; yet very few become fully fledged Socialites. It's not something that can be achieved by wearing Lanvin's entire A/W 09 collection or strutting around in limited edition Christian Louboutins'. Heck having an Ostrich or Crocodile Hermes Birkin doesn't make you worthy enough to join the society.

One most posses a certain 'Je ne sais quoi' - and that's a trait that cannot be bought, traded or cultivated. It is inherited!

Lest not you lose heart; just because the odds of you becoming a Socialite are extremely slim; does not mean the end of life as we know it! Yes there is light at the end of tunnel in the form of becoming Social Climber?

A Social Climber???

Yah, it's the newest craze sweeping London!

a Social Climber is a simply an individual who lives a Vogue life and is relatively wealthy; but does not have all the attributes to become a Socialite.

"And how would one become a Social Climber?" Well the following tips should get you off on the right path ( and who says I'm not generous!!).

1. Create the suitable background for yourself - Your roots are very important for other socialites and social climbers.

2. Get the right education - Prep School, renowned universities or even studying abroad elevate your social standing. Trying learning a language (French is a must).

2. Get an extremely well-paid job - Strive to be the best in your field or simply fuck your way to the top.

4. Learn how to promote yourself - Have personal business cards made up for yourself and be seen everywhere! Bored? Take stroll around Harvey Nicks, pace Sloane St several times. you'd be surprised at who's watching and making notes.

5. Do your homework - As a social climber, there are a few things you must know. The most basic thing to start with is knowing the names and faces of the most prominent socialites of the moment. Know your stuff!!

...and London's hottest social climbers?

Alina and Nadia Blinova
Stephanie Smart
Pop. Amalia Bianca
Neil George



Totty x

Totty On: Monaco F1 GP 09

There are no words.....